why i so much hated the sun

as the cold breeze touches its hands on my face,
i reminisce the days that you never let me feel alone
but like the sun although had given warmth through its rays,
still will set, and left you missing the brightness it had shown

you taught me how to deal with the hardships of life,
telling me always that whatever happens, together we will fight
but now you're gone and no matter how much i strive,
like the sun after the sunset you remained out of my sight

you have assured me that you'll never cause me any pain
that you would still be with me even after a cold heavy storm
yet why time had to come that you need to leave me insane
craving for your caress and wanting you more than before

after giving me unbearable heartaches i've learned to hate you
aside from killing all my hopes, you made me believe all the lies of you
yet i thank you still for letting me mingle alone with the dark
for i met my moon who is willing to embrace me through the night

a tinge of sorrow in me.

sometimes we don't have other choice but to accept the fact that everything had already changed. you may not want it but there's nothing else to do. worst is when your love one had changed so bad that it pricks your heart. we always wanted so hard to bring back the times were everything are still doing fine, to flashback the days that you are still with the ones you love hugging you tight and holding your hands as if they never wanted to let it go. we are always missing the memories of hearty laughs and good times spent with our good friends. but all of them are over. they may be just beside you but they aren't the same like before. it hurts me most when the stuffs we usually do together are being done with somebody else. it sucks knowing thay you have been replaced by someone better. we just regret doing things we shouldn't have done. how i wish i could turn back time and straight up all the crooked path i once took.

i was almost sent to jail!!

---it was Sunday afternoon. i went to the mall alone. i was so bored at home that's why I decided to leave. I wore my favorite black shirt, a pants and my chuck. I don't really go out that much but atleast I know how to make myself happy even by myself alone. i rode a nice jeepney with an unfortunately stubborn driver. He always overtook a lot of cars and he was really driving so fast. I was then praying so hard to get rid of accidents. At about half an hour, I reached the mall. Being there made me feel overwhelmed for reaasons i don't understand.

I don't know where to go exactly. should i watch a movie, buy myself clothes or just walk around till i feel tired? i have a lot of things in mind during that day. i was worried about my studies, my parents and my messy room. but what ocupied my mind the most was my parents. they were always on a fight, shouting and blaming each other for the problems that they have encountered. i hate seeing them like that.

i was drinking an iced coffee when a stall of jewelries caught my attention. aah! i really find myself crazy over such things. i like buying a lot of them even though i don't really need them that much. i've seen several rings that i liked and want to buy but don't really know which to choose. i saw this one ring with a diamond on top, it fits me perfectly. but duh! it was really expensive. i pulled my wallet out of my pocket just to be disappointed realizing that my money wasn't enough to buy this precious ring. it made me a little more gloomy. but i suddenly smiled remembering that my mother's atm card was with me.

i was about to leave the stall and withraw some money when the buzzer(or alarm i think) rang after i passed by the exit. nagulat pa ako. i really don't know what's going on, i even saw two fat security guards approaching me. oh my God! what have i done wrong? i can't move. i closed my eyes and covered my face with my trembling hands (because all of the people there were looking straight to me) and got astonished of what i just discovered. F***! i was still wearing the ring that i was planning to buy! my heart beat faster. i don't know what to do next. i was really so nervous and ashamed that i wanted to shrink! i pulled the ring and tried to give it back to the beast-looking guards.

"sir sorry po, nalimutan ko pong tanggalin 'tong singsing."--i said while pulling the ring. my voice was shaking.

"hindi, dun tayo sa taas magusap."--he said with an emotionless face.

shit! i hate myself for being such an idiot! my God! i committed a crime unintentionally. i was sweating tremendously while on the elevator for i dont know what will they do to me. i was even crying while explaining to them that i'm not a thief and i didn't intend to stole the ring. but they doesn't spoke any word.

we were already at a room i don't know how to call it, but it was full of pictures which were labeled as SHOPLIFTERS. i was still crying when someone asked me of my name, my address, parent's phone number and my age. i managed to answer it all and explained the same explanation i told the guards a while back. but they all seemed deaf. i don't know if they were already used of hearing the same reason that they haven't given any attention to what i just said.

they are, i think, calling my mom for they said that my parents will soon be here with me. i cried harder. i know my father will scold me. i really don't know what will happen next. the guard hold me so tight that i can't even move. i feel like a criminal. but i really haven't done anything wrong! i was afraid what these bad guys might do to me. they just told me that i will be sent to jail!! omg! imagine that? a 3rd year nursing student would be sent to jail?. how could i continue studying?..

i was wiping my tears when three loud knocks were heard at the door. i stood up after seeing it was my mom. i was about to run to her but the guard gripped my arm tighter. my mom looked very angry. i thought she would be worried but i was wrong. it made me cry harder again. doesn't she love me anymore? i was looking for my dad but he wasn't there. she was approaching me with an angry stare. i can feel her anger even with a distance. she was about to slap my face when i closed my eyes----it would be the very first time she will hurt me. but why now? now that i need her, above all, to save me from this mess?

countless tears run down my face, but i haven't felt a slap yet, i felt vigorous shaking instead, and someone calling my name. i didn't open my eyes for i was afraid to see how angry she was to me--i wiped my tears with my eyes still closed--and there, my mom finally slapped my face. it wasn't that painful but it tears my heart. i still didn't open my eyes. i felt another slap, followed by another, and another. i even heard the guards when they told my mom that i will be sent to jail afterwards. i shouted to them:"i hate you all! i haven't done anything!!". my mom slapped me again, it was more painful than the rest. i was now very angry so i openned my eyes. i saw my mom's face, not anymore angry but worried. i looked for the guards but they weren't there anymore. i asked my mom where they were. my mom looked more worried, wiped my tears and answered,

"anak, nananaginip ka."